So I journal a lot – obsessively at times. Seriously, my room is littered with notebooks, some full, some half-full, some practically empty because I started writing in them and then forgot they existed. I’m in the process of going through a journal that I wrote in during one of the most difficult years of my life. Lots of changes, lots of heartbreak, it’s not really a happy read.
I’m sitting here reading and laughing and crying – because I remember these things. I remember being excited when I got hired for a second part-time job. I remember being angry because my body all of a sudden decided it could no longer digest wheat (seriously – what the heck?).
I remember the day my grandma died and I remember barely being able to see my pen and paper because tears were streaming down my face. I remember sitting in my room and writing out my frustrations to a God that I wasn’t even sure existed.
I’ve said this a million times and I’ll say it a million more: if you don’t journal, you should start. It’s seriously one of the most rewarding things in the world to be able to look back on your life and see how far you’ve come. To see how God used your past heartaches and struggles to break you down and then build you back up into something that was so much stronger than before.
The last entry in this particular journal was dated April 10, 2013.
“Jesus, thank you for the reminder that You are so much bigger than my circumstances. It’s so comforting to know that my sin does not and will never outweigh Your mercy! Thank you for the reminder that this world, this life is only just the beginning! Send me out, Lord! May I be a tool used only by Your hands and for Your glory. Jesus, equip me, prepare me for what you have in store for my life. Help me to show You to those who would have no other means of encountering You! Help me to be more than my Facebook statuses – I want my life to scream Your name! Intervene on my behalf, Lord, build me up into a mighty soldier for Your kingdom! And relinquish me of anything that hinders me from shining Your light everywhere I go.”
I don’t remember writing that. But I’m glad I did. I just find it so ridiculously encouraging to read about how God came through for me over and over and over again. And I find it super awesome to think that He knew, even as I was writing that, that I would read it today and be encouraged.
I haven’t prayed like that in a long time.. Seriously, who wrote that? Some silly 19 year old who had no idea just how encouraging her words would become to her less than a year later.