I’m Really Terrible at Naming My Blog Posts

Sometimes I cry in public places. Not intentionally, of course, but sometimes I just can’t help it. Grief is a weird thing. My grams passed away over two years ago and I still have days where it’s as though it happened just yesterday.

I’m sitting here in Starbucks trying (and failing) to blink back tears because I was just rocked by a memory so vivid that I don’t even know what to do with myself. It wasn’t even a memory, really – it was a smell. A woman walked by me and, I swear, she smelled just like her. Lavender – that’s what grams smelled like. She always wore lavender-scented lotion.

So here I am in Starbucks, vividly surfing through memory after memory, remembering things I haven’t thought about in years.. Crazy how a simple smell can take you back like that. I think what really got to me was the fact that I forgot. I forgot that she smelled like lavender. Even as I’m writing this, I realize it sounds like a silly thing to be upset about – like, why am I crying… but I guess I’m just a little shocked that I could just forget parts of her like that.

The experience of losing someone so close to me has definitely been a journey. I’ve never missed someone so much in my life. But I can’t help but be thankful for how God has revealed Himself to me through this. Isaiah 43 has straight up been calling my name:

“But now this is what the Lord says – he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” (v.1, 2)

The rivers won’t sweep over me. The flames won’t burn me. He is God and He calls me His.

Like I said, grief is a weird thing. I think right now it’s sort of a peaceful kind of grief. Maybe even hopeful. Or maybe it isn’t grief at all. Maybe it’s just a tearful acknowledgment of what I’ve lost – overshadowed by the promise that I haven’t really lost anything at all. Because my grams worshipped Jesus. The same Jesus who died on a cross and then rose again three days later. Jesus is alive and so is she! And that’s totally worth celebrating. Kinda makes me want to dance… until I remember that I can’t dance. So I guess I’ll just blog about it.. (:

Yesterday, Today, and Forever

I am the Lord

So can we just take a moment to think about the cross? To truly think about the fact that God loves us unconditionally? I’m floored. Every day, I give God a thousand reasons that prove I’m unworthy of His love. And yet, every day He still chooses to love me. Like enough to die on a cross.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (Heb. 13:18)

Yesterday and today and forever. I don’t deserve a love like that… but I so desperately need it. Christ is my rock. Right here, right now, I need Him. And I’ll need Him tomorrow and the next day and for the rest of my existence.

How comforting it is to know that He’ll be there. Even through my anger, through my indifference, through my recklessness, through my pride, through my stubbornness, through my selfishness.. He’ll take me back. He always will. It doesn’t matter how badly I screw up, how far I stray, He is still there and He is still the same merciful, loving Father that He’s always been. He’s just waiting for me at the place where my knees hit the floor.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

Praise God.