If You’re Looking for a Sign..

This week is Suicide Prevention Week. And I have something to tell you.

No, I’ve never attempted to end my life. I’ve never quite reached that level of hopelessness and I fervently pray I never do.

But I have seen trying times. I’ve cried fat, hot, ugly tears that seemed to never end and I’ve been on my face, more times than I can count, begging my Father to just help me.

I know what it’s like to be perfectly healthy and yet, somehow, not feel “quite right.”

I’ve experienced anxiety so crippling that I could barely get out of bed. There have been times where I’ve been completely and utterly overwhelmed with every emotion in the book. And perhaps even worse, there have been times where I’ve felt nothing at all…

Please know this: this is NOT a post about how awful my life is – I am not looking for pity. This is not a post about all the terrible things I’ve been through. My life, in fact, is
blessed beyond measure and, fortunately, the terrible things I’ve been through are few.

This is a post about mental illness – not the kind that can be seen, but the kind that hides behind smiling faces and perfectly edited Instagram pictures.

This is a post about being sad for no reason. This is a post about panic attacks. This is a post about lying awake at night because your brain won’t let you stop thinking about the countless ways that you could fail tomorrow.

This is a post about shame and guilt, because maybe you have no reason to feel these things, but yet.. you do.

This is a post about being afraid to talk about your struggles. And this is me begging you to stop being afraid.

This is me, attempting to share what it’s like to deal with issues that make no sense.

This is me telling you that sometimes it’s okay to not be okay and this is me telling you that it’s okay to ask for help.

This is me telling you that your heavenly Father will come through for you no matter what.

This is me telling you that “the light at the end of the tunnel” is not just a stupid cliché. The light at the end of the tunnel is Jesus Christ himself.

This is me telling you that there is deliverance from pain and fear and guilt and shame. This is me telling you that I found Hope and his name is Jesus.

This is me telling you that this world is a better place with you in it. And even though it may not seem like it, your struggles can be overcome.

This is me, Chelsey. And you, whomever you may be, are not alone. You were created for a purpose. And no matter what your thoughts might tell you, that purpose is not suicide.

I know far too many people who’ve ended their lives young and I can’t help but wonder if they’d still be here if someone had said something.

So, this is me, Chelsey, saying something.

If you’re looking for a sign telling you not to kill yourself tonight, this is it.

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255